The Dog's Rules of Christmas

(I haven't a clue why there is a red background. Dumb human inventions.)

I did read the Dog Rules for Christmas at the beginning of the month. I guess I should have paid closer attention to Rule #3, if I had I might not have been as shocked and in denial when my humans did this to me today:

First I tried to squeeze my eyes as tightly shut as I could, because as we all know, if you can't see it, it's not there. Also, if I can't see them (the humans),  they can't see me, am I right? 

(well, of course I am. What a silly question, I am always right.)

Then I tried my best to not look cute. Above is my best attempt at my Lets-not-look-cute face. As we have previously discussed, I am so adorable that it's a bit hard for me to stifle it. 

I finally gave in, because unfortunately, the human girl wasn't giving up so I figured my denial stage was only prolonging the torture. 

And thus, in order to spare you some, well. . . issues this holiday season, here furry friends is your list of rules (with my own advice added in):

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans. (If they don't, make them appreciate it. Be persistent! Shove your wet nose at them!)

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours. (But just to be sure, stick your nose in all packages. You just never know. Vigilance!)

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers. (Which is silly, really. We look amazing either way. Don't they know by now?)

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

a. Don't pee on the tree (Personally, this has never really tempted me, so . . . good luck resisting the urges, you're on your own.)

b. Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree (I can't reach it anyway.)

c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree (This holds true throughout the year around any greenery in the house. Humans can get a little miffed when you knock over plants and get dirt everywhere.)

d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open (. . . Whoops. . . guilty as charged. I guess I should have looked at this list before this year. . .)

e. Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree (Come on now, we're intelligent animals.)

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans (Kissing? A human? Who do you think I am?!)

b. Don't eat off the buffet table (No comment.)

c. Beg for goodies subtly (This are daily life skill.)

d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa

e. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

a. Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important)

b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house 

c. Tolerate children (Use discretion when jumping on humans. Only listen to the humans reprimands when the human you are jumping on is small enough to be toppled over. Otherwise, have at it, it builds character.)

d. Turn on your charm big time

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night.
DON'T BITE HIM!! (That's right--run the other way!)

Merry Christmas pups! Good luck in this crazy season! See you in the New Year.