The Dog's Rules of Christmas

(I haven't a clue why there is a red background. Dumb human inventions.)

I did read the Dog Rules for Christmas at the beginning of the month. I guess I should have paid closer attention to Rule #3, if I had I might not have been as shocked and in denial when my humans did this to me today:

First I tried to squeeze my eyes as tightly shut as I could, because as we all know, if you can't see it, it's not there. Also, if I can't see them (the humans),  they can't see me, am I right? 

(well, of course I am. What a silly question, I am always right.)

Then I tried my best to not look cute. Above is my best attempt at my Lets-not-look-cute face. As we have previously discussed, I am so adorable that it's a bit hard for me to stifle it. 

I finally gave in, because unfortunately, the human girl wasn't giving up so I figured my denial stage was only prolonging the torture. 

And thus, in order to spare you some, well. . . issues this holiday season, here furry friends is your list of rules (with my own advice added in):

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans. (If they don't, make them appreciate it. Be persistent! Shove your wet nose at them!)

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours. (But just to be sure, stick your nose in all packages. You just never know. Vigilance!)

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers. (Which is silly, really. We look amazing either way. Don't they know by now?)

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

a. Don't pee on the tree (Personally, this has never really tempted me, so . . . good luck resisting the urges, you're on your own.)

b. Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree (I can't reach it anyway.)

c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree (This holds true throughout the year around any greenery in the house. Humans can get a little miffed when you knock over plants and get dirt everywhere.)

d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open (. . . Whoops. . . guilty as charged. I guess I should have looked at this list before this year. . .)

e. Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree (Come on now, we're intelligent animals.)

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans (Kissing? A human? Who do you think I am?!)

b. Don't eat off the buffet table (No comment.)

c. Beg for goodies subtly (This are daily life skill.)

d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa

e. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

a. Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important)

b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house 

c. Tolerate children (Use discretion when jumping on humans. Only listen to the humans reprimands when the human you are jumping on is small enough to be toppled over. Otherwise, have at it, it builds character.)

d. Turn on your charm big time

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night.
DON'T BITE HIM!! (That's right--run the other way!)

Merry Christmas pups! Good luck in this crazy season! See you in the New Year.

My Retired Life

Hey there furry friends! (Or hairy, in my case)

I turned seventy-seven in dog years this year!

 I still look pretty dashing. I know this because I have modeling agencies still trying to contact me. Unfortunately, I like to lead a quiet life and turn the majority of them down. 

I am featured on our town newspaper on an ad though; I like to help out every now and then, out of the good of my heart, so I allowed them the picture:

This is my 'thinker' expression ^^^^

 These shots were taken a couple days ago.  The paparazzi was following me-yet again- *sigh*. Ah well. I suppose it's just hard to resist my obvious beauty and adorableness. I've decided not to press charges, as long as said-paparazzi continues to feed me and give me treats-and allow me to sleep on her bed. 

I've been leading a quiet retired life. I gobble my senior chow with vivacity most days. I help do the pre-rinse of the baking bowls every few days, and my most recent part-time job is that of chicken herder. I am a Shepherd after all. Those birds need some guidance sometimes, at least I'm under the impression. My humans disagree, but since when do they know what's best anyway? 

Hope you're all doing well and getting into the human food as best you can, 

Love,

♥Abby

Cold, White Stuff

Good evening my dearest canine friends!
I'm back by popular demand...for the evening anyway.
I was truly touched by the few who said they were glad I posted!
And so I'm here to tell you of my dreary recent days.

Yesterday there were murmurs from the humans about a big weather-related event. Apparently there was going to be lots of that white wet stuff falling from the sky; lots and lots. Just before it came time for me to beg for human food while they ingested the good stuff, the ringing black box sounded and it was that educational place my human sister goes to. They said she wouldn't have to come the next day (or today, for those of us who haven't made that connection).

Well. I may be just a dog, but the way they made it sound, there wasn't just supposed to be tons of the white stuff, there was going to be tons, upon tons, upon tons. But that didn't happen. We got enough to cover my paws when I walk outside, and that was all.
I'm not disappointed. We already had enough to go up to my belly, I can't walk in it any deeper! And as long as there's enough for me to roll around in, I'm satisfied.

My sister took pictures of me and the other dog the other day, and she made some perty collages. Here is I. And here is also the other dog, Sasha.

That directly above is us ruling the human girl's bed. As it should be.

Lately I have been playing ball with the human girl. She hides my ball from the other dog, because that dog is a BALL DESTROYER! So the other dog has been gone for about a week now (but will return soon, I fear) so the girl has been playing with me. Which always goes well until she inevitably throws the ball at me. She claims it's my fault I get in the way; I claim I'm obviously just trying to get in the game and she should be reading my mind, am I right?
Sheesh. Humans.

Otherwise, I've been doing well. I helped myself to a box of 6 mini croissants the other day, and succeeded in getting a mini meal too after many hours of begging.

Stay warm doggies! And beware; humans are not actually very good at predicting weather.

Much love,
Abby